Focus on the big picture - Fatter than a stick
 
Recovery is a slow process. Yet, I cannot seem to mark the points at which I started to get better. I cannot say that I am completely well. I am not. I still need to eat at scheduled times, need to exercise every day and portion my food. I am still terrified of eating without my mom, for the fear of eating too much and having no one to monitor my portions. There is a part of me yearning for someone to command me to eat, yet there is a part of me that is begging me not to. But I need to beat the devil down. I need to set goals. I need to look at the bigger picture and see what I want in life. Because I know that life is not just about what you look like. If you have a beautiful body, what is the use if no friends are there to appreciate it? What is the use of starving if your family loses sleep over you? I consider these questions every day and I have set my goals. 

I want to get better because:
1. I don't want my family to worry anymore
2. I want to be fit, not skin and bones. Therefore, in order to grow muscles, I MUST eat.
3. I want to LIVE! I want to be HAPPY! I must listen to my own instincts and that of those who truly love me, not to a devil that does not exist. I want to enjoy food again, be normal again, be FREE again! 

Steph says:
Set goals for yourself. Dig deeper and see the real reason why you are still suffering and tell yourself that anorexia is NOT your friend! Though it may tell you what you want, it is just pulling you deeper and deeper into a spell. It may feel warm and safe at first, but that's because you haven't seen the reality of your destination. Think about your friends and family and how much they worry about you. Think about how you want to put them out of their misery. Think what you want in life! What is your dream job? What kind of person do you want to marry? Dream big



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